


Only Happy When It

by trixiechick



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: M/M, Some angst, implied sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-06-22
Updated: 2005-06-22
Packaged: 2019-11-27 15:41:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18196133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trixiechick/pseuds/trixiechick
Summary: Isumi, in the rain.





	Only Happy When It

The sound of the rain pouring down the drainpipe was soothing, something familiar. He scrunched up as close to the wall as he could, keeping his toes out of the rain, and he huddled over the screen of his go game. He turned the sound all the way down, so he could listen to the rain. He could beat the game easily now, but he was timing himself. He wanted to finish the whole game in ten minutes, and by at least fifteen moku. When that got easy, he'd win by twenty.

His mother came out, her high heels click-thumping on the wooden boards of the porch. She sat down next to him, really close. He didn't look up. She shifted her skirt around so it was just right.

"Why is Grandpa so mad at Dad?" He punched the buttons on his game. It was better with sound. He loved the sound of a stone hitting the board.

"Oh, honey..." His mother sighed, and put an arm around him. "Your father... hasn't spoken to your uncle in years and years."

His hands stilled. "Why not?" He liked his uncle. Sometimes, he met his uncle at the Go salons, with his grandfather. His uncle had wanted to be an insei, but he went to work, instead of high school or being an insei or anything, because his mom was sick, and they needed money. His uncle was better at Go than his grandfather, and he liked to play his uncle more than anyone. Only, he'd never get to play him again...

She sighed. "Mm, Shinichiro... Isn't the insei test coming up?"

He looked up at his mother. She was smiling at him, encouragingly. "Yeah, but dad said I couldn't take it." He frowned. He loved Go more than anything else, but even though his father let him join the Nine Stars Club, he refused to let him become an insei.

She turned to look back at the house, as if she could see through the walls. "Your uncle always wanted to play Go professionally. Your father... I think he didn't want you to be like your uncle. But, none of that matters now. Your father has a lot of regrets now, because he never made peace with your uncle. Your uncle died with a lot of regrets. I think it's better to live life to the fullest, knowing that life is short, without regrets, don't you?" She smiled brightly at him, and when she smiled like that, he believed that anything was possible. She stood up, and held out her hand. "C'mon, come with me, and help me make tea for everyone."

He stood up, and stuffed his game into his pocket, and took her hand. As they were walking inside again, he looked up at her. "Hey, mom, who is that Yuki guy who was crying so much at the funeral?"

* * *

  


He had to run from the bus to the door to the Go Institute. One of his little brothers had taken his umbrella, and it was pouring rain. He didn't mind too much; he liked the rain, and his brother had a much longer walk from the bus to their house, but it was still going to be uncomfortable, sitting all afternoon before a goban in wet clothes. As soon as he got inside, he stepped aside, and shook the water off of his clothes and his hair as much as he could. 

He turned to go to the elevator, but standing in his way was a short kid with unruly reddish hair, drinking a can of pop. He was standing right in Isumi's way, so Isumi had nothing to do but to wait for the kid to move.

"Hey, you're all wet. Why didn't use an umbrella? It's been raining all day." The kid cocked his head to the side, and looked Isumi over as if he might be stupid.

Isumi rolled his eyes, and patted the kid on the head roughly. "You shouldn't talk that way to your senpais. Are you here to learn about Go?"

The kid backed away, straightening out his hair as if Isumi were capable of messing it up. "Hey! Che, like _you'd_ be my senpai! I already know way more about Go than you ever will!"

"Waya!" A voice boomed out from behind them. Morishita-6 dan was standing with his hands on his hips. "Get over here! It's almost time for your test, and you'd better pass after all the time I've put into you!"

Isumi sighed. He hadn't been aware that the insei exams had started again, but apparently this brat was the first to take it this year. He sighed, and slowly made his way to the elevators. He didn't want to end up in the same elevator the kid and Morishita-6 dan.

There were a couple of insei girls at the shop counter, and they immediately dashed over to him when they saw him dripping wet. It was a good enough excuse to keep him back a bit until the kid was gone.

The kid was cute, but brats like that were hard to deal with, he found. He was glad his younger brothers weren't like that.

* * *

  


"Isumi-san!" Waya ran out to the elevator without putting his shoes on first. "Where are you going? Let's play some speed Go downstairs until it stops raining, ok?"

Isumi smiled, because it would be impossible not to smile in return to such a grin from Waya. "I can't today; I have to go someplace."

Waya pouted, and looked suspicious. "'Someplace'? Where is 'someplace'?"

"It's someplace," Isumi laughed. "What, do I need to tell you everywhere I go?"

"Maybe," Waya pouted. The elevator arrived, and Isumi got in, but he held the door open button. "Hey, do you have an umbrella? Cuz it's raining, so..."

"I have an umbrella, brat," Isumi sighed, and hit the button for the first floor. "Let it go, already."

Waya put his hands behind his head and laughed. "Ok, ok, I give. But I'm gonna call you, ok?"

The doors slid shut, so Waya probably didn't see Isumi shaking his head. That boy... But Isumi had resolved to stop thinking about Waya so much. It wasn't healthy. It wasn't _right_ , damn it. Waya was three years younger than him. He wasn't even in middle school yet. He was still just a kid. That was _it_.

Isumi wasn't familiar with this area, so he accidentally got off the bus one stop too soon, but he didn't mind the rain, so it was fine. Truthfully, he would much rather be playing speed Go with Waya than visiting the class secretary for a teaching game of Go, but he owed it to her, after all the time he had missed so far.

She opened the door as soon as he pressed his finger to the doorbell. She had changed from her school uniform to a pretty, pale blue dress, and her hair was tied back in white ribbons. Isumi smiled easily. A lot of his friends at school were girls, because a lot of the guys at school thought Go was a bit wussy. The girls didn't seem to mind.

She had made tea, and small cakes iced with pale blue icing. It was sort of odd, the way the cakes matched her dress. She had gone to a lot of work, so Isumi didn't want to say anything about it, but the idea of eating and playing Go at the same time... It wasn't right, really.

The goban was old, something her grandfather had loved. She didn't even know how to lay the stones properly. Isumi gave her a five stone handicap, but she didn't really know anything about playing Go at all. They chatted, mostly.

He showed her how to count up the area. It was confusing, he knew, so he just did it for her. She sighed and smiled at him. "Wow, Isumi-san, you are so good at this! So is it true that you'll be going pro this year?"

Isumi blushed, even though her compliment didn't mean very much, considering her skill. "Well, I want to, yes. But, the pro exams are really tough, and if I don't make pro, I can't really expect my parents to support me while preparing for _next_ year's pro exam. So, right now, I'm concentrating on the entrance exams for high school. I can take the pro exam later. Last year, I did really badly. I didn't even qualify. I'd really like to try again this year..."

"You're so passionate about Go, Isumi-san," Naomi sighed happily. "How exciting!"

He blushed again. She didn't really understand what being in the Go world was all about... "No, not really. It's just... all I really care about."

"Oh?" She sat up straight. "You don't mean, though, do you, that is... I mean, it's not _all_ that you care about, right? Isumi-san?"

He smiled at her, and laughed. She really couldn't understand. 

She wanted him to stay for dinner, but he said that his parents were expecting him. 

He walked slowly in the soft rain, the sound of the drops on his umbrella soothing. She was nice, and pretty, but she couldn't understand. Go was not a game. He couldn't explain it, not with words. The only way to express it was with strong hands, and powerful games, and those could only be understood by other players.

His cell phone started to ring just as the bus pulled up to the stop. He stepped back when he saw the caller id. "Waya... What's going on?"

"Where are you, Isumi-san?"

He bit his lip. Waya sounded petulant. He really was a brat, but he was a good kid, too, and a strong player. "I'm at the bus stop, Waya, on my way home."

"Did you have a date?" The question was defiant, but there was something else in his voice that resembled pain.

Isumi was reminded of the time he took his younger brother to the amusement park, and when he got home, his other brother was locked in his room. He sighed softly. "No, I wasn't on a date, Waya. I was just... paying back a favor for someone at school."

"Oh!" Waya sounded much more cheerful. "Hey, we never finished that game from a few weeks ago. Wanna come over and play?"

"I..." He bit his lip. "I can't, Waya, I'm on my way home..."

"Well, you remember it, right?" Waya sounded almost desperate. "You can tell me your moves, ok? It'll be a good mental exercise for you..."

Isumi sighed. He shouldn't. He should just go home, and tell Waya they'd play some other time...

He sat down on the bench of the bus shelter, and closed his eyes, so he could visualize the board better. He could hear Waya's voice better this way, too, and his breathing, mixed with the rain coming down on the plastic roof of the shelter. Three buses came and went, but he stayed there, until the game was over. He missed dinner, and he was chilled to the bone, but he felt warm inside his belly. 

He went directly to the bath, ignoring his brothers for a bit, and he stood in the spray of the hot shower, his eyes tightly shut so he could pretend the water falling on the tiles was the rain.

* * *

  


He didn't realize that it was raining until Waya caught up to him. It was Waya's hair, damp and clinging to his face... He hadn't felt the rain at all. He hadn't heard Waya calling out to him, either. 

Waya clung to his wrist, and tugged on him, trying to pull him back. He couldn't go with Waya... He couldn't...

"Isumi-san!" Waya pleaded. "Don't run away from me... Please! Just... just come back, and we can finish the game...?"

"We can't!" Isumi didn't mean to yell, he never yelled, he never lost his temper, but... but... Waya kept teasing him, kept finding excuses to touch him... He wasn't made of stone. "We _can't_ , Waya."

"Why not?" Waya begged, stepping closer to Isumi, and because of the rain, the cold rain hitting him, Waya's body, his heat, seemed all the more inviting. "Why can't we? Isumi..."

Isumi grabbed Waya by the shoulders, and pushed him up against the hedge fence next to them. He pushed his leg between Waya's, and kissed Waya, hard. He pushed his tongue in Waya's mouth long enough to taste him, and then he pulled away, and stepped back.

Waya wasn't looking at him. He was hugging himself loosely, and staring at the ground, looking shocked. He took another step back, sighed, and let his shoulders slump. He closed his eyes, and tipped his head back to turn his face to the rain.

What had he done? "Waya... I'm... I'm so sorry... Don't... don't you understand? I'm not a child, Waya. Don't you understand? We can't keep... keep playing games, Waya..."

Waya bit his lip, and shut his eyes tightly. His shoulders shook. "B-but..."

"Waya." Isumi sounded stern. He couldn't look at Waya. "We can't."

"But!" Waya reached out, but Isumi pulled away before Waya could touch him.

"No," Isumi stated firmly. He turned to walk home. 

The rain was cold, and hard against his skin. He trudged, lacking the strength to lift his feet properly. He watched the sidewalk, and held his elbows, and willed this desire out of his heart, out of his skin, forever.

* * *

  


Waya was wriggling under him, just... _right_ , it was so good... like Waya's kisses, hot and sweet... They had bumped into the goban, and all the stones spilled off, littering the floor in shining black and white. Waya's fingers, intertwined with his, were squeezing tighter and tighter...

He felt like he had waited for this for a million years. He felt like he this was where they belonged. He rocked against Waya, and they were still fully clothed, but this was their first time to be alone, really... _alone_... 

It was like every time that they had played alone before. Waya had teased him and found ways to touch him. But... things were different now. He'd promised Waya that they could escalate their relationship if Waya was a pro. And now, he was a pro, too... And... There were no more excuses...

Waya turned his head to the side, and shifted under Isumi's body. Isumi nibbled on Waya's ear. He lowered his weight onto Waya a bit more, craving a bit more contact, a bit more heat... 

Groaning, Waya shifted, and pointed to the small window with his chin. "Rain."

"Uh?" Isumi pulled up to look into Waya's eyes.

Waya grinned. "It's raining, Isumi-san."

Isumi looked at the tiny window. Sheets of gray-white rain were pouring down on them, but they were hot inside of Waya's apartment. "So it is. And... shouldn't you call me Shinichiro now?" He winked at Waya.

Waya turned bright red and fidgeted. It was so... cute, and sexy, too... Damn, he was thinking of Waya as sexy... but... it was all right... he thought, it had to be all right, right? "Well. Uh. Then. Sh-shinchiro... san... shouldn't you call me Yoshitaka?"

Isumi put his hand on the side of Waya's face, and kissed him, soundly. "Yoshitaka, I love you."

Waya threw his arms around Isumi's neck, and pulled him down, and outside the window, the storm raged on.


End file.
